Prologue: I have been reading so many open letters and open replies what not. The key reason I felt compelled to write this is the fact that I missed out by a hairline on the last open letter that caught the eye of everyone. Also, I figured, pointless free publicity must be fun! So well - why not?
Dear Writer(s) of Open Letter(s),
Hope you are doing well and find yourself in the pink of health. Consider this to be my first and final complaint to you. Open, that too, just the way you like it!
So, here goes my list of grudges against you Open-Letter-types (stereotype intended):
a) Limiting your stereotypes which led to my exclusion from all of them,
b) Hurting the sentiments of my brethren, Punjabi Delhi boys who drive SUVs,
c) Generating so much pointless interest in my fellow Indian boys and girls alike that it led to intense spamming, and
d) Making me waste my time.
Now, we'll deal with these complaints one by one.
The most important one first. YOU LIMITED YOUR STEREOTYPE! Do you know how much pain it caused me and the likes of me? How hurt we felt that you ignored our contributions to your annoyance totally? Why would you do such a lowly thing, I ask. Am I not a Punjabi boy? Just because I am quasi-Delhi boy (actually I am Dehradun boy and now a quasi-Mumbai boy too) and do not have a SUV, I am not worthy of an open letter? Or an open reply? Or an open anything for that matter?! The likes of me feel extremely sad, I tell you, and demand an 'Open Apology to Those I Left Out' from you.
Now, the complaints from my brethren who you stereotyped in your letter. Poor people, what's their fault if their folks are rich eh? I bet there was only one (or perhaps a single digit number) fellow who wronged you. But you went ahead and took out your ire on the complete set! Not even spared their 'mum-dad'. That's equivalent of giving mum-sister abuses in coarse hindi by the way. Pathetic! Ask yourself - would you like to be the cause of some poor fella getting teased and humiliated by your letter and all the people who side along with you in jeering at him? What if he hangs himself from his ceiling fan? (I know it is questionable whether a SUV-owner will ACTUALLY have a ceiling fan at his place anyway. Even so, play along shall we?) Imagine. You'll become a criminal overnight. So, please take back some (or all) of your words.
Next, the publicity and the resulting spamming it caused. Be honest. Please do tell if you intended it. For even if you didn't, you know what happened? My dear mailbox got so many 'have you read this open letter dude?
messages. Sheer waste of Google's space I tell ya! And to add insult to the abovementioned injuries - my even dearer Facebook homepage got filled up with comments about your letter. The last time it had happened, the case was Mr. Anna Hazare - who I strongly support (Great man I say. Aroused the public in such a peaceful manner. Really appreciable. A hundred MPs like him and India is set to regain its historic glory. Look forward to it.). And all of this for what? Because a guy wronged you :| I will tell you what you should have done. You should have just walked up to him and kicked him hard, abused him, etc etc. Would have been easier - and my facebook and gmail would have been spared.
Last but not the least. You know its often said, time equals money (even more so in finance, my profession). I, unfortunately, got drawn to read thy pointless letter. This, in turn, consumed time. I am sure a lot many would also have done the same. Cumulate all this time - that, equals money. Hence, money wasted. And on what? Not a movie show, not a beer, not a tech gizmo, not even a date! But on pointless babble.
Given the above, I believe my complaint is justified and I would request for a remedial follow-up.
Cheers and wish you a great future ahead,
A
Epilogue: With this, my wish of writing an open letter - a complaint in this case - has come true. Take matters in thy own hands (no pun intended), O Reader, and write one for yourself if it pleases you. In a world where life is becoming increasingly chaotic, I hope O Reader that this becomes the cause of some smiles and light moments.
The fine print (a.k.a The Disclaimer): I solemnly swear that all the babble above conveys my views and mine alone. In case I hurt someone's feelings, it really was unintended. Copyrights not protected but acknowledgement will be appreciated.
Nice! :)
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